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Civil marriage the path to better conversion policy in Israel?

Friday, May 4th, 2012

(Above, an otherwise unrelated video of Rabbi David Rosen talking about Hindus)

The American Jewish Committee Global Forum, currently underway here in the basement of the Washington D.C. Grand Hyatt, is full of impressive people. In the span of 30 seconds at last night’s reception, I spotted a half dozen people whose conference badges identified them as ambassadors — and then accidentally wandered into the middle of a cadre of at least a dozen cocktail-sipping Israeli Defense Forces colonels.

But my favorite so far is Rabbi David Rosen, AJC’s international director of interreligious affairs, who gave a talk over breakfast this morning billed as “Religious-Secular Tensions, Pluralism and Interfaith Relations in Israel.” Rosen is a sharply groomed gentleman with a reassuringly authoritative British accent. His rabbinic smicha is ultra-Orthodox, but today he is a refreshingly and unabashedly confident proponent of relatively left-wing Modern Orthodoxy. Best of all — and most romantically — he was introduced to the breakfast crowd like this: “He is a Commander of the British Empire, a Knight of the Vatican and he knows all the best restaurants in Jerusalem.” (Rosen: “But I live in Jerusalem because if Britain and the Holy See were to go to war, I would be in trouble.”)

Rosen’s talk was a description of the history of the relationship between the government of Israel and Zionism on the one hand and right-wing ultra-Orthodox Jews on the other. One of his main thrusts, a point that I got the sense he sneaks in whenever he has an opening, was that civil marriage is the most important piece of Israel’s religion-secularism puzzle.

The issue of civil marriage is so important to Rosen that, as he put it, “Lack of civil marriage is Israel’s greatest flaw.”

The first question of the post-talk question and answer session came from a man who pointed out that, while the problems that could be solved by civil marriage in Israel are moving to American Jews, those problems irrelevant to them. Conversion, however, is much more relevant to American Jews. So, the question went, why emphasize the issue of civil marriage on behalf of the American Jewish Committee?

This piqued my interest. In an April 17 op-ed for the Forward, I wrote about my own recent conversion status dilemma withing the American Jewish community. However, I don’t know much about the even more complex conversion situation in Israel.

Rosen’s answer was that both problems, the lack of civil marriage and the messy conversion situation, are symptoms of the same underlying problem. Israel, Rosen said, chose long ago to mirror the old Ottoman millet system, a system under which the Ottoman Empire gave every religious community total authority over internal matters like membership and marriage. In Israel, Muslims, Jews and Christians marry under their own separate standards, which are recognized by the state — just as they did under the Ottoman millet system.

As Rosen sees it, the Israeli adaptation of the millet system is what keeps civil marriage from becoming a reality and it empowers the ultra-Orthodox to create the problematic situation regarding conversion. To solve the conversion problem, undermine and dismantle the millet system, Rosen said. To undermine and dismantle the millet system, advocate for civil marriage. It may not be the most important thing to American Jewry, but civil marriage is far more important to Israeli voters than conversion.

Another question: “The theme of this year’s Global Forum is ‘From Insight to Action.’ You’ve given us plenty of insight. Help us translate that into action. What can we do?”

Rosen hedged, “I don’t want to undermine the position of the organization I work for, but….” Rosen said the AJC should start bringing up the issue of the preferential treatment given to the ultra-Orthodox by the state in every meeting with any Israeli official. This, he said, has probably never been discussed in any high-level AJC meeting, but it should be. He said it would do more to fundamentally improve the relationship between Israel and the diaspora than anything else the AJC could possibly do.

Tags: ajc, American Jewish Committee, civil marriage, conversion, Israel, Rabbi David Rosen
Posted in Abroad, Breaking, Diaspora, Israel, Klal Yisrael, opinion, Orthodoxy, politics, Religion | 1 Comment »

My Big, Fat Halakhic Gay Wedding [Klal Yisrael]

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

A chuppah at San Francisco City Hall following the passage of marriage equality in California | Photo by Flickr user ehoyer (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

With the landmark New York marriage equality legislation of 2011 several million Jews now live within a state that allows same-sex marriages – and the Conservative Movement has noticed. Only five years ago the Committee on Jewish Laws and Standards (CJLS) – the central authority on halakhah (Jewish law) for the Rabbinical Assembly – issued competing responsa on the acceptance of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) clergy and the blessing of same-sex union; two retained the traditional prohibitions affirmed by the CJLS in 1992, while the third allowed for the ordination of LGBT rabbis and the officiating of commitment ceremonies – however, the ban on certain sexual practices was retained and no provision was given for the creation of a halakhic same-sex marriage ceremony. The latter responsum was adopted by the vast majority of Conservative rabbis and synagogues, as well as the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York and the American Jewish University in Los Angeles. And now that same-sex marriage has started the slow process of state-by-state legalization – and has become common practice in the nation’s third most populous state – the three authors of the liberalizing responsum felt that it was time to begin crafting a standard halakhic same-sex marriage ceremony for the Conservative Movement. This past November, the three rabbis – Elliot Dorff, professor of theology at the American Jewish University; Daniel Nevins, Dean of the Rabbinical School at the Jewish Theological Seminary; and Avram Reisner, head rabbi of Congregation Chevrei Tzedek in Baltimore – submitted a proposal for same-sex marriage and divorce rites to the CJLS.

According to an article published by the Jewish Daily Forward, their proposal has been met with mixed reviews. The initial document was modeled on the traditional ceremony between a man and a woman – occurring under a chupah, with the recitation of the seven blessings and the exchange of rings. Reisner explained that the rabbis did not want to offer same-sex couples a ceremony that was “separate and unequal.” However some members of the CJLS were not of like mind. “Some in the committee felt very warmly for a ceremony that was very close to a traditional wedding,” he said to the Forward. “For other people it was desirable to step away from that model altogether. There was a determination that the tenets of a traditional marriage didn’t apply.” Reisner may be surprised to learn that there are some in the LGBT community who agree; Jay Michaelson, the founding director of the LGBT Jewish organization Nehirim, explained that while their proposal may appeal to some LGBT couples, others are not so keen on the traditional language. One problem are the kiddushin – the traditional marriage rites – which describe a hierarchical structure between husband and wife. “For feminist reasons I don’t like the kiddushin anyway,” Michaelson explained to the Forward. “And for LGBT reasons it didn’t feel authentic to me to copy a model meant for a man and a woman to my situation.” Michaelson has developed his own legally binging ceremony which focuses on vows, or nedarim.

At the recommendation of the CJLS, Dorff, Nevins, and Reisner are back at the drafting table; while their original proposal will still be up for debate, the three rabbis were tasked with creating a second, less-traditional template for a same-sex union. And perhaps having two options would be a positive development: one for LGBT individuals who want a traditional, halakhic ceremony and one for LGBT individuals who desire something more unique. “People invest time and energy into making a mark through their wedding ceremony that reflects their own take on their Jewish journey,” explained Gregg Drinkwater, the deputy director of LGBT Jewish organization Keshet, in an interview with the Forward. “If you are using a one-size-fits-all ceremony, that is harder to do.”

At the same time, a standardization of practice for the Conservative Movement may help solve other problems that LGBT couples face. An article posted on the Jewish-interest blog Jewschool points to the difficulty of finding an appropriate ketubah – or marriage contract – for same-sex couples; the ones available in Judaica shops use the traditional language of man and woman, and paying for a custom job can be expensive. With a standardized gender-neutral text for ketubot, they will likely become more available. And perhaps the development of a second, less-traditional template – with a greater emphasis on egalitarian language – is something that some heterosexual couples may desire. “People who want to innovate wedding rituals will still do that,” Dan Ab writes. “A new standard text just shifts the starting point.”

Steven Philp is a graduate student at the University of Chicago, studying for a Master of Divinity in Jewish Studies and a Master of Social Work. When not in the classroom he works for spiritual life, promoting dialogue and cooperation between different student-run faith-based organizations. Steven also volunteers with Mishkan, a progressive, spirited Jewish community in Chicago. His column, Klal Yisrael, usually appears here on alternating Sundays.

Posted in Klal Yisrael | No Comments »

Gauging Equality Within the Jewish 2% [Klal Yisrael]

Sunday, November 27th, 2011

Who advocates for the minority within a minority? According to a press release posted to their Web site on November 21, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) – the largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender lobbyist organization in the United States – is launching the Jewish Organization Equality Index (JOEI) survey. The purpose of this study is to analyze and rank Jewish non-profit organizations on their “policies, practices, and programs” that support the LGBT community. The survey is modeled on two similar projects: the Corporate Equality Index and the Healthcare Equality Index. The former was launched in 2002, releasing annual reports on the employment practices of major American corporations – including hiring practices, employee benefits, corporate culture, and pro-equality engagement in the public sphere. The latter was created in 2007 to assess healthcare facilities on similar criteria, with particular attention paid to the quality of care and support given to LGBT patients.

The JOEI was conceived in January 2011. Over the past ten months an HRC project manager has consulted a number of people within the Jewish community – including organization executives, lay leaders, and clergy – to form the criteria for rating Jewish non-profit organizations. According to the project description, the JOEI finds its inspiration in explicitly Jewish values, such as the idea that every human is created b’tzelem Elohim – in the image of G-d – and kavod habriyot, that all people merit our respect. This includes an assessment of employment practices by Jewish non-profit organizations (whether they give the same benefits to opposite-sex and same-sex spouses, for example), in addition to their “cultural competency” in providing services for the LGBT community – from the inclusivity of their language to the public persona they adopt when approaching the wider Jewish community. To receive a high rating, it is important that a non-profit organization not only tolerate their LGBT constituents, but be open and affirming in their support.

The JOEI is funded by a lead grant from the Charles and Lynn Schusterman Family Foundation – a charitable organization that supports the growth of vibrant and inclusive Jewish communities – and supporting grants from the Morningstar Foundation – a private family foundation based in Washington, D.C. Stuart Kurlander, the current president of the Jewish Federation of Greater Washington, has also pledged money to the project. The advisory board includes several prominent members of the Jewish community – ranging from scholars such as Professor Joy Ladin of the Stern College for Women at Yeshiva University – who stepped into the national spotlight when she transitioned one year after receiving tenure – to non-profit leaders like Idit Klein, the executive director of the Jewish LGBT organization Keshet. Several clergy are also on board, including Rabbi Hyim Shafner of Bais Abraham Congregation and Rabbi Camille Shira Angel of Congregation Sha’ar Zahav.

“For many of us, it’s the first invitation that we’ve had to think about the question of how we treat gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender emmbers of our communities,” explains Professor Joy Ladin in a video posted on the JOEI Web site. “It’s not only inviting us to reflect on that, but it’s giving us tools for reflecting on that.” She continues, stating that the JOEI is a communal cheshbon hanefesh – an inventory of our soul – to ask the hard questions concerning our acceptance and affirmation of those who are a minority within a minority. The HRC believes that there is a slight overrepresentation of LGBT individuals within the Jewish community, comprising up to 7% of Jews in the United States. Considering that we make up less than 1% of the global population, it is becoming increasingly important to affirm all members of world Jewry. Hopefully, the JOEI will serve as a helpful barometer for gauging our progress toward the acceptance of klal Yisrael – all of Israel.

Posted in activism, community, Klal Yisrael, politics | 1 Comment »

An Orthodox Rabbi Walks into a Gay Wedding [Klal Yisrael]

Monday, November 14th, 2011

Photo by Roee Ruttenberg for +972

On Thursday evening, Steve Greenberg became the first rabbi ordained by the Orthodox movement to officiate a same-sex marriage. Yoni Bock and Ron Kaplan exchanged vows before some 200 friends and family members, wearing matching kittels – the traditional white robe worn during Jewish weddings – and marigold kippot. The ceremony took place at the 6^th and I Historic Synagogue in Washington D.C. – built as a Conservative synagogue in 1908, the building now houses a “non-denominational” and “non-traditional” Jewish community. In a video posted on +972 Magazine, Greenberg’s joy is palpable as he concludes the ceremony: “By the power invested in me by the District of Columbia, I now pronounce you married.”

Although there will be some who take issue with an Orthodox rabbi presiding over a same-sex marriage, Steve Greenberg is used to navigating the controversial intersection of faith and sexuality. Shortly after receiving his semikhah – or ordination – from Yeshiva University’s Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary Greenberg came out as openly gay. In 2001 he was interviewed in “Trembling Before G-d,” a documentary about gay and lesbian Orthodox men and women attempting to bridge the gap between the LGBT and Orthodox communities.

Greenberg has also written on the topic in his book “Wresting with G-d and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition.” While it achieved some success, a number of people in the Orthodox community felt that his views strayed too far from Orthodox interpretations of halakhah – Jewish law. Although the Reconstructionist, Reform, and Conservative movements have passed responsa allowing the affirmation of same-sex unions and the ordination of LGBT rabbis, different branches of the Orthodox movement has maintained a strict interpretation of Leviticus 18 – which prohibits some form of male-on-male sexual contact.

Last year Bock and Kaplan approached Greenberg to ask him to officiate their wedding. Although they agreed to get married in 2008, the couple decided to wait until they could be legally wed. When Washington D.C. legalized same-sex marriage in 2010, Bock and Kaplan decided it was time to have their ceremony. They indicated the reasoning behind their decision in the event’s program: “We were encouraged by the legislation of same-sex marriage in our home ‘state’ of Washington, DC. At the same time, both of us wanted a ceremony that would be meaningful halachically (in terms of religious Jewish law) and create a set of Jewish legal obligations between us.”

Bock and Kaplan asked Greenberg to help develop a ceremony that reflected traditional Jewish practices while affirming the place of LGBT couples within the Jewish community. Considering that Hebrew is a gendered language – where adjectives and verbs are formulated to reflect the gender of the subject – changes had to be made within the inherited text. The couple also decided to remove anything that spoke to gender inequality; for example, the ketubah – or marriage contract – was replaced by a mutually affirming shtar sh’tufim, or partnership agreement.

If anything, Rabbi Steve Greenberg’s involvement in the ceremony highlights the dearth of traditional Jewish ritual that has been adapted to accommodate the needs of LGBT Jews. As same-sex marriage gains traction in the United States, halakhically inclined Jewish communities will need to consider how they can meet the needs of couples like Bock and Kaplan. Until then, rabbis like Greenberg will need to utilize their minds – and hearts – to create spaces of affirmation among observant Jews.

Posted in community, Klal Yisrael, Orthodoxy, Religion | 8 Comments »

Chicken Soup for the Jewish Soul | Klal Yisrael

Sunday, October 30th, 2011

Whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or straight, Mollie Pier will be your bubbie. She is the cofounder of Project Chicken Soup, a nonprofit volunteer organization that delivers kosher meals twice per month to residents of Los Angeles County living with HIV/AIDS. Even at 91, Pier is a fierce advocate for the LGBT community; although now confined to a wheelchair, she completed her third AIDS Walk Los Angeles this October. “I can’t even begin to tell you how many people I’ve helped be who they are,” she said in a recent interview with the Los Angeles Times. Her determination to protect and support LGBT individuals started with her son Nathaniel, one of the first private physicians in New York City to treat patients with HIV/AIDS in the 1980’s. When Nathaniel came out to her, Pier was sympathetic to his concern that she might reject him. “He was fearful,” she explained. “When he finally did come out, I wrote him a letter and told him, ‘You’re my son, and I love you, and whatever life you’re happy in, I will be happy, too.’”

Pier started by reading all the literature she could find about the LGBT community, which – in the 1980’s – was limited. At Nathaniel’s urging, she also began to see a psychologist. She joined Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) as well as another organization for Jewish parents of LGBT children. “Once I came out, I came out to everybody,” Pier quipped. “I made no bones about it: My son is gay.” When Nathaniel passed away from complications with AIDS in 1989, she wanted to do something that would perpetuate his commitment to helping people living with HIV/AIDS. Taking a small group of volunteers who had been cooking meals in the kitchen of a local synagogue, Pier founded Project Chicken Soup. “We decided these people can’t work. They’re sick; they need food,” she said. “They need more than counseling.”

Now several dozen people gather two Sundays per month to cook kosher meals for over 125. Last year the volunteers logged 10,000 hours to make over 15,000 meals free-of-charge. Their delivery includes three entrees and two quarts of soup – one of which is always chicken – along with salads, side dishes, and dessert. Many of the dessert recipes come from Pier. “I feel I have a spiritual connection with [Nathaniel] because he did everything he knew how with his medical knowledge, and I’m doing it with my cooking knowledge,” she said. Since they work one-on-one with clients, Project Chicken Soup is able to tailor the delivery to specific dietary needs – or to throw in a few extra chocolate chip cookies. Pier always calls each individual a few days before the delivery to make sure they will be home, but more importantly to check in on their physical and spiritual wellbeing. “Sometimes, they’re lonely, sometimes they’re upset or not feeling well and just need an ear,” she explained. “I’m kind of the resident Jewish grandmother.”

A couple days before her son passed away, his partner Michael Hannaway exchanged rings with Nathaniel at the hospital. “I thought, there isn’t any rabbi, priest, pope, anybody who can tell me this kind of love is sinful,” Pier said. In addition to her work with Project Chicken Soup, she has come out as a strong advocate for LGBT civil rights – including marriage equality. “There are some people who never come out of it and go into mourning,” Pier explained. “I’m not that kind of person. I thought, ‘I’m going to make Nathaniel’s short life have meaning.’”

Posted in activism, community, Culture, Food, Klal Yisrael | 1 Comment »

Powerful gays, meet powerful Jews | Klal Yisrael

Sunday, October 16th, 2011

Alan van Capelle | Image from PJA & JFSJ, http://jewishjustice.org

On October 3 it was announced that Alan van Capelle – a well-established activist within the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender civil rights movement – has been appointed president of the recently merged Progressive Jewish Alliance and Jewish Funds for Justice (JFSJ). According to an article posted by the Jewish Daily Forward, van Cappelle will assume the office in January 2012. He will be replacing Simon Greer, the current president and CEO of JFSJ. Since taking the helm in 2005, Greer has been a constant presence in the national media – perhaps most notably leading a 2010 campaign against conservative political Glenn Beck for his anti-Semitic comments, which culminated in Beck’s November 2010 characterization of investor and philanthropist George Soros as a Nazi collaborator. Although Fox News initially defended Beck, he resigned from the network this past June.

Although most would balk at the prospect of following Greer as the new president of JFSJ, van Capelle explained that he was excited to take office. “I’m not shy,” he said. Even at the relatively young age of 36, van Capelle has proved himself to be a capable activist. He is the former executive director of the Empire State Pride Agenda, and served as the deputy political director of Service Employees International Union Local 32BJ. Leading the Empire State Pride Agenda from 2003 to 2010, van Capelle championed LGBT civil rights in multiple arenas. Most notably, he worked closely with State Governor Andrew Cuomo and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg to lay the foundation for marriage equality in 2011. Reaching out to both government officials and clergy members, van Capelle created an extraordinary support network for LGBT New Yorkers. In his letter announcing van Capelle’s succession, Greer praised his efforts at the New York Pride Agenda. “The recent vote by the New York State Senate to legalize gay marriage in New York was made possible in no small part by Alan’s leadership,” he wrote.

Although van Capelle has never led nor worked for a Jewish organization, his lobbying efforts with the Empire State Pride Agenda brought him in close contact with liberal groups like JFSJ. Before it merged with the Jewish Funds for Justice this year, the Progressive Jewish Alliance adopted a statement in support for marriage equality on May 12, 2004. Van Capelle also has several personal ties to JFSJ: he was a signatory on Greer’s ketubah, and former chief strategy officer Mik Moore co-officiated van Capelle’s commitment ceremony in 2007.

That van Capelle has the skills necessary for his new position is without question. He promises to bring his passion for social justice to the table as well. “I don’t think the work of the Progressive Jewish Alliance and Jewish Funds for Justice has ever been more important or necessary that it is right now,” he said. Pointing to the current economic recession – which has led to crippling unemployment rates, and a widening gap between the wealthy and the poor – he explained: “Our Jewish values demand of us that we help solve the problem of poverty.”

Posted in activism, Culture, Klal Yisrael, Religion | No Comments »

The New(born) Face of 5772 | Klal Yisrael

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

Rep. Polis, in what is quite likely the best photo ever of a member of Congress. | Photo by Flickr user denverjeffrey (CC BY-SA 2.0)

On Friday – the second day of Rosh Hashanah – United States Representative Jared Polis (D-CO) announced the birth of his first child: a son, weighing in at a healthy 8 lbs. and 12 oz. According to a short notice posted on the Boulder Weekly, Polis joked that the boy – named Caspian Julius – “has learned to cry already.” What may take Caspian longer to understand is that he represents the first of a new generation, born at the advent of 5772. He is the first child born to an openly lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) member of Congress. He is also a Jew. As the son of double-minority parents, Caspian inherits a legacy of struggling against the odds at a time when the balance is finally tipping in favor of equality.

Although still relatively early in his political career, Polis is used to breaking down barriers. In 2008 he became the first openly gay man to be elected to the United States Congress as a freshman, representing Colorado’s 2^nd District – a heavily Democratic region that includes the northwestern suburbs of Denver and the city of Boulder. At 36 years old, Polis is one of the youngest politicians in the House; surprisingly – despite his youth and his liberal politics – Polis is also among the wealthiest members of Congress. According to the Washington Post, he made over $160 million through the sale of greeting card and flower businesses while in his twenties. In an interview with The Jewish Federation of North America, Polis explained that it was his Jewish heritage that inspired him to run for political office. “The principles of tikkun olam, of living to repair the world, are always forefront in [my] thoughts,” he said. “My decision to retire from my business activities and to redirect my energies into serving the community stems from my beliefs.” Before his election to Congress, Polis served on the Colorado Board of Education from 2001 to 2007 establishing charter schools for at-risk children. He carried this interest with him to Capitol Hill, where he advocated for the reauthorization of “No Child Left Behind.”

His most recent initiative – the Fearless Campaign – reflects both his passion for tikkun olam and a bit of the chutzpah that has made him a congressional iconoclast. By providing timely information to voters on six key issues – immigration, LGBT rights, education, marijuana legalization, food policy, and Internet neutrality – Polis hopes that congressmen will be encouraged to take a positive stand on politically charged issues, “regardless of the perceived political risks.” If anything, Polis thrives on surmounting the seemingly impossible: a characteristic that motived his decision to run for political office side-by-side with his partner, Jewish author Marlon Reis. His ability to face down challenges has paid off as he enters his second congressional term as one of four LGBT members of the House along with Rep. Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) and Rep. David Cicilline (D-RI). An interesting aside: the latter two congressmen are also Jewish.

It goes without saying that his liberal politics and outspoken nature have caused Polis to step on a few toes during his two congressional terms. He caused waves last year when in an interview with Politico, Polis compared Arizona – with its draconian immigration laws – to Nazi Germany. “It is absolutely reminiscent of second class status of Jews in Germany prior to World War II when they had to have their papers with them at all times and were subject to routine inspections at the suspicion of being Jewish,” he explained. “I fear that Arizona is headed for a police state and it really underscores the need for immigration reform at the Federal level to fix our system.” Polis was careful to underscore that his allegory was between Arizona’s immigration policy and the laws passed by the Nazi party during the rise of the Third Reich – not with the Holocaust itself. Nevertheless, his statements raised ire among proponents of the legislation.

Although parenthood can cause some individuals to become more staid, it would behoove the public not to expect such a change in Polis. Speaking to the Denver Post about his political style, he quipped, “I think being stuffy undercuts the authority of a member of Congress.” Now more than ever Polis represents the face of a more affirming America: a successful politician, a family man, gay, and Jewish. With his partner Marlon and his son Caspian, he has become a symbol of reassurance that 5772 will truly be – in some respects – a shanah tovah.

Posted in Klal Yisrael, politics | 1 Comment »

Matchmaker, Matchmaker | Klal Yisrael

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

To their friends and neighbors, they’re a standard Orthodox Jewish couple, a man and a woman married for five years, two children in tow. Their marriage is a product of convenience rather than love, but that’s not unusual. Yet the particular reason for their union is unique: the man is gay, and the woman is lesbian. Their marriage owes its genesis to Areleh Harel, an Orthodox rabbi and teacher at the Elon Moreh Yeshiva on the West Bank. Over the past six years, he has matched thirteen Orthodox gay and lesbian individuals – man to woman – for marriage. For Rabbi Harel it is a simple solution to a more complex problem: these are men and women who are attracted to people of the same sex, yet desire to remain in good standing with their communities by acquiring the familiar trappings of Orthodox adulthood – a traditionally defined family, of one man and one woman.

According to an exposé by Time, Rabbi Harel has been quietly pairing gay and lesbian individuals for years. It was not until this past spring when he mentioned his pet project at a Jerusalem-based panel on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) rights, that others became aware of it. Not surprisingly, he has met strong criticism from both fronts. Pro-LGBT organizations have condemned his pairings as disingenuous, leading to loveless – perhaps unfaithful – marriages. On the other hand, a number of his Orthodox peers believe that Rabbi Harel should do more to discourage their attraction to people of the same sex. Speaking to the Associated Press, Rabbi Shlomo Aviner – who practices from the West Bank settlement Beit El – warned that provided alternatives, gay and lesbian individuals would not attempt to change. “When people hear voices that say you won’t succeed,” he explained, “They think, ‘Why bother trying?’” Rabbi Aviner and his associates look to the controversial practice of “reparative” therapy, which claims that homosexuality can be “cured” through counseling, medication and aversion treatments. However, prominent health organizations such as the American Psychological Association have questioned the efficacy of “reparative” therapy, citing evidence that its methods can cause lasting negative psychological effects. Although Rabbi Harel believes that many men and woman can change their sexual attraction, he concedes that some individuals cannot – hence the necessity of pairing the men and women who continue to desire a traditional Orthodox marriage despite their homosexuality. “This is the best solution we can offer people who want to live within halakhah,” Rabbi Harel explained to Time. “This may not be a perfect solution, but it’s kind of a solution.”

After his project went public, Rabbi Harel found an increased demand for his services – Orthodox gay and lesbian individuals across Israel were calling him, asking to for help finding a spouse. He revealed plans to launch an online matchmaking service – Anachnu, Hebrew for “We” – at the end of this year. Its staff will include five professional matchmakers, all heterosexual. Rabbi Harel will oversee operations as a consultant, although he has stressed his participation with the project will be largely hands-off. Membership for the site will be $42; if successfully paired, the bride and groom will pay $430 each.

When Rabbi Harel began pairing gay and lesbian couples in 2005 there were no LGBT Orthodox organizations in Israel. Currently there are five, including one that is working closely with Rabbi Harel to promote his matchmaking service. Kamoha – Hebrew for “Like Us” – announced its intent to host a link to Anachnu. The founder of Kamoha, a closeted Orthodox man who has adopted the pseudonym Amit, explained the reasoning behind their decision to support Rabbi Harel. Although many gay and lesbian individuals want total acceptance within the Orthodox community, there are some whose desire for a quiet, normative lifestyle outweighs their sexual attraction. “We’re not pushing this on people,” explained Amit to Time. “This is for people who want this because Jewish law says this is the normal way and because it’s the easiest way to have children.” In an interview with the Jewish Chronicle, he emphasized that these arrangements also keep involved parties honest. “Instead of marrying a woman and not telling her, all the cards are on the table,” he said. As for himself, Amit explained that he has not desire to utilize Anachnu; after many years of therapy, he came to the conclusion that he is “100% gay.”

However, not all LGBT Orthodox groups are comfortable with the implicit support that Kamoha has lended Rabbi Harel. Daniel Jonas, a gay Orthodox man living in Jerusalem and spokesperson for the pro-LGBT organization Havruta, explained that the matchmaking service will lead to unhealthy relationships. “I am not the one to judge, but if you ask me what a family is, it’s about caring, loving, and sharing,” Jonas told Time. “This kind of technical relationship, it is not based on love, and I do believe that if the parents don’t love each other, the kids will feel it. It’s not healthy for the kids or for their parents to live like this.” Jonas also expressed concern that these arrangements were another attempt to marginalize the Israeli LGBT community. “They are saying, ‘Changing them isn’t possible, but how else can we hide their existence? If we can’t fix them then let’s set them up with lesbians,’” he explained to the Associated Press. Due to the fact that there is no civil marriage in Israel – all pairings are approved by the rabbinate, which is largely Orthodox – the prospect of legalized same-sex unions is a small hope, at best.

Further concerns have been raised about the fidelity of these marriages; if there is no sexual attraction within these pairings, what is to keep them from seeking fulfillment outside their spouse. This a problem that Rabbi Harel acknowledges and addresses with the potential gay and lesbian couples. Speaking to the Associated Press, Rabbi Harel pointed to his belief that having children will provide a substantial foundation for the pairing to build a genuine relationship. “Their love is based on parenthood,” Rabbi Harel said. “Parenthood is the glue and it’s strong.”

Even then, the strength of these relationships is difficult to judge or predict. In an interview with one of the men paired by Rabbi Harel – who chose the pseudonym Josh – Time revealed that the presence of children is not a foolproof safeguard against infidelity. Josh, a 30 year-old Orthodox gay man, admitted to cheating on his wife at least three times over the three years of their marriage – most recently in February of this year. They have an 11-month-old son. “I haven’t told my wife, but I think she knows,” Josh said. “She can see it in my face when I come home.” Yet he explains that their mutual struggle with same sex attraction has provided space for an intimate, if unorthodox, partnership. “But she gives me space,” Josh concluded. “I really love her because she understands me.”

An earlier version of this post appeared at InTheMoment.

Posted in Culture, Israel, Klal Yisrael, Orthodoxy, Sex | 1 Comment »