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Archive for the ‘satire’ Category

Jewish media mogul compares Palestinian people to unicorns [pause, not]

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Mark Zuckerberg is more pro-Palestinian than Newt Gingrich

Apparently Facebook is more accepting of Palestinian peoplehood than, oh, I don’t know, Newt Gingrich.

Obviously, this joke was too good to be missed, so I posted this very screenshot to Facebook earlier today.  David (the Editor here) aptly pointed out that Facebook isn’t actually claiming that the Palestinians are a people, just that there do in fact exist Palestinian people.  His analogy:

Like, you could post about unicorns and Facebook might agree that you were talking about them without making any sort of claim about their actual existence.

To which I replied:

Careful, I see an Electronic Intifada headline right there: “Jewish Media Mogul Compares Palestinian People to Unicorns.”

This, of course, was just begging to be turned into a blog post.  So here we are!

A South Park Passover; discussing Apple (in drag); and more. [Required Reading: Pesach Edition]

Friday, April 6th, 2012

South Park does Passover [SP Studios]

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the guys behind South Park, have a reputation for injecting religious commentary into their work (see: “The Book of Mormon“). Now in the 16th season of South Park, they take on Passover. And who better to experience the suffering of the Jews first hand than South Park’s own notorious anti-Semite, Cartman? Watch the embed above for a taste of what goes down, or click the link in the title for the full episode.

President Obama preps for Passover [JTA]

The White House has hosted Passover Seders before, and it gets ready to do so again as President Obama extends his Passover wishes to all Jewish Americans. JTA has the story:

“‘The story of the Exodus is thousands of years old, but it remains as relevant as ever,’ he said. ‘Throughout our history, there are those who have targeted the Jewish people for harm — a fact we were so painfully reminded of just a few weeks ago in Toulouse.

‘Michelle and I are proud to celebrate with friends here at home and around the world, including those in the State of Israel,’ Obama said, wishing the Jewish community a ‘Chag sameach.’”

The rabbi in drag and the apple on your Seder plate [Jerusalem Post]

Religious advice: sometimes, we all need a little. But from a rabbi in drag? Well, why not? The Jerusalem Post shares this story of a rabbinical student Amichai Lau-Lavie who has taken up a female character to film a video about putting an apple on our Seder plates to spark conversation about the recent dispute over Apple and its use of labor.

“The character adds: ‘Ask how are we consuming things and letting slavery happen. Are we part of the solution, or are we part of the problem?’ In a telephone interview on Wednesday, Lau-Lavie – who is studying for the rabbinate at Conservative Judaism’s Jewish Theological Seminary in New York – said criticism from Gross (he always refers to his alter-ego in the third person) was not aimed directly against the company famous for innovative gadgets like iPhones and iPads, because it had admitted mistakes and vowed to prevent them from recurring. Rather, he said, the apple on the Seder plate is meant to raise general awareness in Jewish households to the slave-like conditions under which many of the products on which we rely are produced.”

Passover and Jesus [Slate]

Christian tradition states that Jesus’ last supper (that is, Last Supper) was actually a Passover Seder. But what do we really know? And what can we really prove? Slate Magazine has this to say:

“How do scholars square these two apparently contradictory accounts? Some throw out Mark, Matt, and Luke entirely. Jonathan Klawans suggests in the Biblical Archeology Review that while the Last Supper may be ‘characteristic of the Passover meal, it is equally characteristic of practically any Jewish meal’: While reclining is unique to Passover, all Jewish meals traditionally begin with blessings over wine and bread. Along these same lines, W.D. Davies’ The Sermon on the Mount argues that the Last Supper-Passover connection was created in part by early Christians who wanted to connect Jesus’ martyrdom to the redemption of the Jews from Egypt. Meanwhile, Oxford professor E.P. Sanders places the Last Supper within the context of the Passover celebration but dodges the larger question of whether it was a Passover Seder. Still others assert that there is no contradiction at all between the events of the Last Supper as shared by John and his less reliable disciple-friends. According to this theory, put forth in the 1960s by French biblical scholar Annie Jaubert and cited in 2007 by Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus and his disciples were adhering to the calendar of the rebellious Pharisee sect, which celebrated the start of Passover a day earlier than the rest of the Jews.”


Jews support marriage equality; bad April Fools joke; and more. [Required Reading]

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

A pride event in Tel Aviv, 2011. | Photo by ninasaurusrex (CC BY-ND 2.0)

Majority of Jews support marriage equality [Forward]

Though it probably won’t come as a surprise to most of you that there are liberal Jews (GASP!), turns out an overwhelming majority of Jews support the equality of all persons to marry their partner, regardless of sexual orientation. Specifically, 81%. The Jewish Daily Forward writes:

“Marriages between gay and lesbian Jews are increasingly accepted by Jewish religious groups. Reform Judaism officially announced its support for gay marriage 1990s, and Conservative Judaism in 2006. No Orthodox groups accept same sex marriage, though the issue of homosexuality has been the subject of increased debate among the Modern Orthodox.

The new survey, conducted online by the Public Religion Research Institute in February and March of this year, polled roughly 1,000 Jews. While the survey found that more than eight in ten Jews favor allowing same-sex marriage, the survey also showed that only 48% of Jewish Republicans support the…”

Discrimination at Brooklyn College? [JTA]

After accusations that Brooklyn College’s Provost engaged in discriminatory behavior, a number of individuals are pushing for a full-on investigation. JTA reports:

“Twenty elected officials are demanding an investigation into allegations that female Jewish faculty and other academics suffered discrimination at Brooklyn College.

The officials sent a letter Tuesday to the chancellor of the City University of New York alleging that Brooklyn College’s provost, William Tramontano, engaged in discrimination regarding faculty hiring and promotion. Brooklyn College is part of the CUNY system.

The letter said that ‘numerous accusations have been voiced regarding Provost Tramontano’s racial, anti-female and blatantly illegal actions’ and that ‘we demand an immediate and thorough investigation by an independent group into these actions.’”

This just in: school newspaper makes questionable Jewish jokes [Tablet]

Turns out an April Fools joke in Fordham University’s undergraduate newspaper that suggested the Jesuit school was going Jewish wasn’t so funny after all. Tablet Magazine reports:

The Ram, which serves Fordham’s larger college in the Bronx, has not posted the article online, and I’ve been unable to obtain a copy. The Ram’s editors have not replied to a request for comment. According to people who saw it, the joke was that Fordham, a Jesuit university with campuses in Manhattan and the Bronx, was going to turn Jewish. Most of the jokes were innocent—that its new competition would be Yeshiva University, for example. The prime red flag came in the byline, which apparently attributed the article to one ‘Herschel Q. Goldberg, staff investment banker.’

Fordham has experienced a few bias incidents in the past weeks—notably, a black student had a racial slur penned on her door—which exacerbated the effect of the article, according to Fordham’s director of communications, Robert J. Howe. ‘Frankly, most of it was just silly, but there were a couple of things,’ he said.”

Is the Israeli conflict too complex to sum up in a simple article? [The Onion]

Also, this. We have nothing else to say.

 

Mr. Shmuley goes to Washington; Heeb turns 10; and more. [Required Reading]

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Joseph Goebbels takes on Heeb Magazine [Heeb]

As Heeb Magazine celebrated its 10th anniversary of… well, being Heeb Magazine… with a crazy party, it seems the Jews aren’t the only ones paying attention. This little gem cropped up online yesterday, and we’re not sure, but we think it means Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels was a psychic.

Divesting from Israel, or investing in Palestine? [NY Times]

With all of this talk of the BDS movement (which we here at New Voices have discussed at some length), Israel Apartheid Week, and more, it might be pretty easy to get caught up in the attempts to divest from Israel, vitriol included. But, instead of divesting from Israel, how about investing in Palestine? You have an opportunity to do just that. The New York Times reports:

“Analysts say investor interest in public Palestinian companies has grown over the past two years, with many new listings on the exchange at a time when initial public offerings have remained at a standstill elsewhere in the Middle East. New venture capital funds are investing in companies in Palestinian territories that have turned profits despite the challenges of their operating environment.”

 Michael Jackson’s Chabad rabbi may run for Congress. Huh. [Forward]

Once a voice for Orthodox think-tank Chabad, Shmuley Boteach, best known to the masses as Michael Jackson’s rabbi friend, may soon get another job: a seat for the United States Congress. Seen by many as a celebrity rabbi, and known for his promotional knack, Boteach and politics may be an excellent marriage. But are there already hiccups on the road to Washington? The Jewish Daily Forward adds:

“A Forward examination of public records reveals that the charity Boteach heads spends a significant portion of its revenues on payments to Boteach and his family. The examination also raises the possibility of a future conflict between the group’s role supporting Boteach’s work and Boteach’s political campaign.”

Is making aliyah all it’s cracked up to be? [Haaretz]

In light of rising political tensions in Israel, could making aliyah (immigration from the Diaspora to Israel) be less than the dream many Jews make it out to be? A recent Knesset hearing explored how Israel can better assist the immigration process (and the “morning after”) for those who need the time and aid to adjust to living in a different world. Haaretz explores:

“Roman noted Ayalon’s prior position as co-chairman of Nefesh B’Nefesh, the North American aliyah organization, and praised its efforts and those of similar organizations in assisting immigrants. But without government support, he said, the organizations can only go so far. ‘There is no government system. There is no outreach to English speakers from government. We don’t even know what their [party] platforms are,’ Roman said.”

 

“HaMisrad”: the boundary-expanding Israeli version of “The Office” | 20,000 Leagues from Hillel

Friday, October 28th, 2011

English comedian Ricky Gervais created the original British version of The Office, which quickly jumped across the Atlantic to the U.S.  Here, no one was quite sure the hit NBC comedy could ever be the same after Michael Gary Scott left Dunder Mifflin, but this hasn’t stopped other countries from playing on the formula the British series developed.  Enter the Israeli version of The Office, HaMisrad, which launched in 2010. The show is a surefire hit – it keeps the original’s quirky character concepts but makes more political statements than the American or British versions (which is generally appropriate for Israeli TV shows).  In so doing, HaMisrad challenges stereotypes which are far too often invoked as justification for violent action.

(more…)

Judoku fills need for Jewish puzzle games. Wait. What?

Friday, July 29th, 2011
(judoku.net)

(judoku.net)

Lo, when Moses didst return from the mountain, he spake unto the people: “People!” And the people didst say, “Yeah?” And, in his best Charlton Heston voice, Moses proclaimed, “I have many words from the Almighty—about ten-ish.” Verily, Moses gave the people the commandments, a lesser known of which was, “THOU SHALT MAKE CHINTZY RELIGIOUS PARAPHERNALIA IN MY IMAGE.”

And thus was born McMoses Enterprises, which has given birth to some of the strangest crossovers in both religious and merchandising history.

Unnecessary religious versions of already existing products are getting more common all the time. While the use of technology in the ongoing cannibalism of secular culture into Jewier alternatives isn’t quite at a breakneck pace, it’s all a matter of time before it finally becomes an actual trend. Let it be known that we saw this coming and thought of it first. After all, Hipster Jew recently pointed out a Hasidic answer to Facebook.

Super_3D_Noah's_Ark

(via Wikimedia)

Case in point: “Judoku,” an app that allows you to play an altered form of Sudoku using Hebrew letters and religious symbols instead. This is not exactly a horrible idea. When I think bad religious gaming, I’m thinking Super Noah’s Ark 3D for the Super Nintendo. (Look it up at your own risk–and bring liquor.)

Still, did we need a Jewish Sudoku? Is Sudoku how the goyim entice us to assimilate? (What do the numbers mean?!)

Confession: I haven’t actually played Judoku. I’m not sure how it works as an app, though in some ways I’m charmed by the cheesiness of it all. Yet, the other part of my brain can’t get over the bizarre need to absorb fragments of secular culture and recast it in a frummier light.

Judoku doesn’t look boring—at least no more boring than regular Sudoku, but it doesn’t have quite the same appeal as, say, Angry Jews. Angry Jews, for those who don’t know, is an app inspired by Angry Birds, where the player controls a gaggle of Haredi Jews by flinging them at security guards in open parking lots on Shabbat. By comparison, lining up Hebrew symbols to complete a puzzle doesn’t promise that same adrenaline rush.

If Judoku is any indication, however, it probably means the Tribe is crossing over into the realm of the App Store. Perhaps like Angry Birds Seasons, Jewish developers could create holiday or Israeli-themed games for Jews of all ages. Think Potch-a-Haman instead of Whack-a-Mole around Purim. Or KibbutzVille. Or even PocketG-d.

If you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments.

The Jewess ticket vs. the shiksa ticket: Barr-Drescher vs. Palin-Bachmann

Wednesday, July 27th, 2011
barr&palin

Sarah Palin (David Shankbone via Wikimedia), left, and Roseanne Barr (Leah Mark via leahmarkphotography on flickr), right

Last night, a re-run of the episode of “The Nanny” with Bette Midler was on, a joyous reminder of what Fran Drescher used to be. A woman with enough comedic sense to call someone a pisher. This episode had about 20% more Jew than other episodes of “The Nanny.” There was noticeably more yiddish in scenes with Bette Midler than without. Imagine if Fran actually had Barbara Streisand on.

If you watch Fran’s new show, “Happily Divorced,” Fran loses her Jewiness, as I’ve said. If it takes Bette Midler to transform Fran into “The Nanny” again, by all means, TV Land should make the call to the Divine Miss M.

Roseanne Barr’s new reality show “Roseanne’s Nuts” is an honest little show with a big center piece. Roseanne is explosive and funny, just as someone would expect from the creator of one of TV’s best sitcoms. In the first couple of episodes, Roseanne takes the audience on a tour of her Macadamia nut farm in Hawaii. The show is in the familiar reality show format, but Roseanne is not afraid to tell the cameras to leave. When she is upset, she orders them out of her house.

These two women are also famous political wannabes. When Hillary Clinton became Secretary of State, Drescher considered a run for U.S. Senate. Right now, she is a U.S. diplomat–sort of. Officially, her title is Public Diplomacy Envoy for Women’s Health Issues. Meanwhile, Roseanne Bahr is running for President of the United States and The Prime Minister of Israel. She calls it “a toofer.”

This is a fight for the White House I want to see: Barr-Drescher vs. Palin-Bachmann, the Jewess ticket vs. the shiksa ticket, “Funny Girl” vs. “Sweet Charity.”  It would be the best race since Stewart-Colbert vs. O’Reily-Beck. Plus, if anyone could straighten out the Israeli Parliament, it’s Roseanne.

Imagine the White House at Christmas time: “Tonight Katie Couric goes inside the White House to see the world’s largest Hannukah bush.” Imagine the committee meetings: “Vice President Drescher began the meeting with a spread of lox and bagels for Speaker of the House John Boehner and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.”

Best of all, imagine the tax benefits. “President Barr signed a bill today declaring no sales tax on items under $100. Vice President Drescher could not be reached for a comment because she is at Loheman’s.”

Perhaps these two ladies could turn not one but two countries around. It’s a one-time deal.